1. |
waves
02:38
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those things clogging up your drain
that you let your soul run through
the things that cause you so much pain
the things i love about you
a chuckle comes from a mistake
a ripple in the endless lake
an audience half mumbling words
hoping their ripples don't make waves (oh no)
i see your face
i feel your waves
i don't know where
i can't place it
& i don't want to know
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2. |
solipsisting
04:26
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so, so long to self
oh to explode into all else
oh god i wish to see your soul
oh secrets you keep, secrets i hold
how they would meet
how they could speak in unity
abandon your shell, move with your light
undying flight, unravel in infinity
with me
abandon your shell!
somehow i doubt people could tell
i figured it out, oh what a thrill
aaaAaAaAaAAAA infinity
oh what great fun! ready? on three
hold on dear god, i come for thee
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3. |
stuck
03:10
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i was born inside this body, and i'm stuck there
i'm a storm inside a rotting false construction
for the rest of my life i have to decide what to do with it
& the less it survives, whatever's inside will fool it
& i'm constantly scared that we will never speak again
you are bored inside your body and you're going crazy
so if you ever find a way out, will you save me?
when i look at myself i can never tell who i am
we're all going to hell, if we're not already in it
& i'm constantly scared that we will never speak again
it’s not all in your head but most of it is, best not to worry about it
when your workings all bled, left rusty stains on the carpet
i’ll try to cover it up
if we abandoned our shells
do you think anyone could tell
who we were?
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4. |
dissolving
03:29
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self loathing bouncing round like neuro pinball
wish i could find someone to see me under microscope
sure i could look inside myself but
i genuinely don't know what my heart is for
it's getting hard to tell what the fuck is anything anymore
i won't need to know when i get
out of it / my vessel / of bullshit
i won't need to know when i'm getting
cremated / sweet fire of / my death bed
i can't help but see some good inside us all
kinda makes me feel irresponsible
guess it's a self-fulfilling prophecy but
i know i'm tired too of this self-pity shit
it's feeling like a trap i can't escape
i don't wanna die i just feel like
i'm falling / ignoring / the problem
i don't wanna die i just feel like
i'm drowning / dissolving / to nothing
to nothing
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5. |
(at least for now)
01:26
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eeeee
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6. |
shell
04:37
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my soul sings in higher
octaves than my larynx will allow
my skin sitting still tiredly but
tightly ties together all my guts
i'm finding a way to gently
alleviate the surface pain
and entertain ideas of being
seen as what my heart
wants to display
morphing esophageal practices
hardening the lumps up in my throat
my heart throbs in impossible rhythms
my head never could erode
it's so hard to say what's truly the
root of this unsettling in my brain
rarely a day goes by that i don't
feel it in my blood through every vein
i can't disconnect the ties
my throat keeps trying
to link back up to my soul
there's all these things
i can't explain or justify
to anyone i know
i can't think like i am only this shell
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7. |
reflection
02:50
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i'm a reflection
bouncing off other reflections
again and again, an abstraction, a call and response
a mirror image of everything all at once
i'm a reflection
a series of infinite regressions
a vast algorithm, a reaction to everything ever
i'm nothing and everything all at once
i am refracting
i'm moving infinitely inwards
there is a universe within us
i'll find a place to become
i've given up on my heart
i'm a distraction i'm nothing
and everything all at once
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8. |
escaping
03:35
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i hope my life makes a pleasant shape
for the shapes around me, the lake and the waves
for they define me clearly, for they know what it is
my sides and vertices, my faces and width
they find my position, imposed upon space
my absence and silence, my presence and place
the higher my voice goes, the more i can feel
it feels like escaping, the less i can breathe
like i'm not suppressing, like i'm making sense
no defining, resigning, defending, rescinding
like i make sense
i don't want revelation
i don’t want decay
i don’t want expectation
i don’t want shame
i want relaying
i want communique
i hope you are listening
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9. |
unforming
05:17
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i can't keep waiting for saving
when will you find where your heart is?
buried and limp in the forest
used as a prop by a larper
under a slide at a park
an LED light in the dark
helping a boy save a princess
top left dissected in triplicate
powering mario's cart
she won't get better
if you don't let her
every invisible bravery
all my embarrassments haunt me
the first to go in my unforming
disintegrated by morning
i'm not grateful for my mistakes
they had their time and their place
their usefulness has been erased
gone with the lines on my face
i move by levelling buildings
i live by flattening space
my love has a shattering weight
infinity sealed my fate
you won't get better
if she don't let you
she won't get better
if you don't let her
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10. |
sieve
06:14
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i know to you my soul is nothing more than a mirage
you could see through it if you're looking hard enough
i get depressed when that's all i can think about
i could live inside my head, suppressed
let loneliness get loud and proud
but as i get older, the answer reveals itself: a sieve
a constant repetition of forgive forget forgive forget
my love is in the sonic residue of memories
the melting notes from shaky throats thrown over balconies
reverberating, bellowing, throbbing in my skin
from diaphragm to diaphragm to in put out put in put out put in
though i get stronger the longer i know my heart to be a sieve
i still need constant affirmations to just live just live just live just live
when i look closer, the patterns repeat themselves and shift
an endless reflection of a gift
as we grow longer, or slowly unfold ourselves: a wish
of moving closer to a place for us to live
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katie dey Melbourne, Australia
k80dey at gmail dot com
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