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never falter hero girl

by katie dey

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1.
swallower 03:01
even if i should lose the light i'm an inbetween thing aren't i caught for once unawares all ready to burst but where its flattering of u to think that this is the worst i can get so useful in your uselessness all ready to be receiving the world to come nourish the earth like the sun my swallower full as a cherry in spring even if i should try to hide all full of desire inside a moment with no way out always already too late until my voice finally breaks my heart will forever remain suddenly fragile this thing can you love without trembling ? the world to come flourishing under the sun my swallower hoarding your time like a spring it won’t be long cherish the earth til it’s gone my swallower i wanna hear it all singing
2.
dawn service 03:29
with ur watermelon chapstick you called me elastic they got speedrun tactics for these kind of things the sky is filled with static i’m feeling erratic we could light a matchstick when it’s hard to see aren’t you tired of being nice ? i wanna start a fight let’s go to the dawn service make everyone nervous bet it’s filled with perverts who knows what they think take me to the dawn service make em call the nurses fill their mouths with curses let’s see what it brings couldn’t get anymore tragic you called me a faggot no use now to drag it out i wanna kiss your face but we don’t need a light if you feel like starting fires take me to the dawn service show me that ur worthless make me feel my purpose let me feel the sting let’s go to the dawn service i think we deserve it just beneath the surface i can feel the spring i won’t get upset lest i don’t forget
3.
upstream 02:14
her eyes suddenly watering all guilty now aren’t we years dripping like water from the faucet nothing comes until you squeeze me like a corset swimming upstream swimming upstream swimming upstream swimming upstream swimming upstream against the flux of disappearance insisting on playing just to hear it people going on loving in the face of immortality immortality immortality gratuitous tenderness loveliness you pour through me like water from the faucet swimming upstream swimming upstream swimming upstream swimming upstream
4.
open book 03:12
my red wire ready to be cut my lifeline not picking up the headlights started flickering my fault line started slipping not my first rodeo like a never ending freak show i don’t feel special lately i don’t know what came over me i’m not a mystery baby i’m an open book in a forgotten language it feels like nothing could go wrong i don’t mind barely holding on the sun shines only for me we all die ? i don’t agree not my first horrorshow like a model stuck in t-pose i feel so special lately i don’t know what came over me it’s not a mystery baby i’m an open book written in invisible ink i don’t feel special lately i don’t know what came over me i’m not a mystery baby i’m an open book in a forgotten language i don’t feel special lately you don’t know what it’s like for me it’s all a mystery baby i’m an open book nobody’s ever tried to read
5.
so miserable 02:50
when ur aura grows back you’ll be able to sing with your ego intact though the odds are all stacked against you when ur body grows weak it’s just stuck in their teeth hanging out of their beaks so miserable and inadequate they’re all dying to get a piece of you but they wouldn’t know what to do with it when ur armour all breaks in ur staggering state they won’t have what it takes to be under ur weight amidst you when the world feels like this full of shattering bliss only you that exists so miserable and inadequate i’m just dying to get a piece of you but i wouldn’t know what to do with it cause i’m so miserable ever moving to something i don’t understand and i’m missing you but i wouldn’t know what to do with u
6.
like a hot girl’s legs always covered in bruises like a soft boiled egg with a heart that just oozes your love comes from the same place as your love comes from persona demon they’re all weak til you fuse em it all comes undone when you think you might lose it my love comes from the same place as my love comes from the same place as like a hot girl’s room always covered in laundry like a popped balloon i just wish you’d’ve warned me our love comes from the same place as our love comes from the same place as our
7.
hoarder 04:20
i keep finding new things wrong with me i’m an old house built by the sea termites chewing my bones it would take a miracle feeling like i can’t make a sound even if there’s no one around black mold in the drywall it would take a miracle to bring me back into working order if i stayed intact would you be my hoarder ? i’m unlivable , inhospitable strip all the metal out of me uninhabitable , unimaginable ew . it would take a miracle i keep picking old things off the ground places i’ve met , people i’ve found through the gaps in the floor i can see a miracle do you know why no one likes it here ? all of the smells , all of the fear dripping off of the walls it would be a miracle to slip through the cracks , be my new disorder what would you keep if you were my hoarder ? rotting debris in the stagnant water where could you sleep if you were my hoarder ? i’m unlivable , inhospitable falling apart at the seams uninhabitable , unimaginable ew . it would take a miracle
8.
you can be distracted for years a whole life , written in water corrosive shame , the joy sustains flows through you hope you remember the taste hope you remember … the sky , like you , as blue as it is who knew it could’ve gone through all of this oh , sing birds , dance butterflies the blindingly bright moon i’ve got my thoughts but i’ll never tell it’s no big loss to keep it to myself oh , old friends , old lovers i could never forget you such painful knowledge , the taste i’ve wasted so much of your time look what i found here the endless need for hope you remember hope you can remember i’ve wasted so much i’ve wasted so much time i’ve wasted so much i could’ve given to hope you remember hope you remember it i’ve wasted so much i could’ve given to you old friends , old lovers i could never forget you
9.
fragments 02:44
i still hear the echoes on a sunlit hill i still smell the bubblegum perfume d’you think that you can heal without getting hurt ? someday there’ll be nothing left to heal she’s the type who’s never fucking satisfied she’ll never get the stink of it off her sucking up my nerves like they’re spaghetti strands feeling like a cat that lost its purr is that god inside you girl ? could i give that thing a whirl ? we could be fragments poetic absence i still hear the howl at the edge of the world i still feel the brushing of her hair lingering like smoke in all my follicles feeling like a lock that lost its curl is it gone inside you girl ? are you rolling round ur pearl ? eventually fragments poetic absence is it death becoming her ? will i never fucking learn ? all becomes fragments poetic absence
10.
face first 03:44
i feel psychedelically gross worms crawlin out of my nose everything’s covered in mold isn’t that just the way things go don’t be afraid of your skin true beauty comes from within the self care bullshit stopped working a long time ago cold always comes creepin in i’m being a cunt for no reason feeling insane cuz i am and you can’t run from yourself in the end i’m in hell but it’s a gift falling face first into shit i can’t be alone with myself for even one minute but you can survive in a song i won’t be here very long nothing can hurt me they don’t deserve me i’ll stay alive just to kill my own story i’m in hell but it’s a gift falling face first into shit i can’t be alone with myself for even one minute
11.
malfunction 04:19
something else went wrong tonight breaching through the hull my blood went warm and bright and leaked right out of my skull no rescue squad in sight i’ll just lay on the ground and wait for somebody to notice the dripping sound it’s my malfunction , malfunction malfunctioning parts it’s my malfunction , malfunction malfunctioning parts another one got stuck again caught beneath the bones at least now the other nerves can feel less alone open up the cavity make sure nothing’s bent next time i’ll ask god to do some cable management with my malfunction , malfunction malfunctioning parts with my malfunction , malfunction malfunctioning parts dyou hear that grinding sound when i turn my head ? i can’t bear to listen but maybe u’d want to instead the pops and crackles are a little overdone at least with records you can say they’re for someone but it’s malfunction , malfunction malfunctioning parts it’s just malfunction , malfunction malfunctioning parts
12.
a feather touch wouldn’t take too much for you to fuck my life up and only once did it feel this much like my heart was dying to leave my cavity and jump back into yours only an idiot would indulge that again i wanna live my life but there’s no time for that never falter hero girl you’re late to learn what’s what aren’t you ? you’re too sparkly to die with a death flag cough in ur guts and stuff so obvious when you lie but you’re so damn beautiful when you don’t wanna talk i never met someone who lacks like that before all the mystery is embedded into you never falter hero girl i’m used to trying to change myself to please someone but you make me wanna be the best girl in the world i just realised it was in me all along unleash yourself (while there’s still time for that) you can be anything , anything at all i care so much more than i ever knew never falter hero girl
13.
hypothetical 03:38
all day thinkin bout ur fluoride stare what i wouldn’t do if you were there not quite getting it but very close atmosphere is feelin pretty gross i was wonderin if you were yknow feelin stupid for me down below i could be a bad decision babe but it won’t matter when we go away don’t you want to fuck it up ? fall into unholy love ? with no regrets i won’t be dumb just a hypothetical i don’t wanna live in endless fear of what i woulda done if you were here somethin in my heart got troublesome i feel like i swallowed bubblegum who you are and who you wanna be is it far from being aligned with me ? i can’t sublimate the gnawing urge that my body wants for us to merge so don’t you want to fuck it up ? destroy the one good thing between us ? nothing smart and nothing dumb just a hypothetical so don’t you want to fuck it up ? fall into unholy love ? no regrets i won’t be dumb just a hypothetical
14.
metaphor 03:13
life feels like a metaphor a metaphor for a real life for a life of foraging a forest and a scythe tearing through the wreckage of a life that never happened digital detritus layers to be flattened scrolling endless folders of a girl that didn’t need to be restored somehow maybe some way she believed she would someday be reborn scrolling endless folders of a girl that didn’t need to be restored somehow maybe some way she believed she would someday be reborn

about

songs by katie dey
painting by jemi gale
photo by cal elizabeth birchall

credits

released October 27, 2023

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katie dey Melbourne, Australia

k80dey at gmail dot com

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